Scheduled Eviction

By time this posts I will be going to have major surgery.  Those of you who follow me on Instagram know that I am 9 months pregnant with our third child Baby K.   I haven't posted much for two reasons: 1. We didn't know we were expecting until the second trimester, 2. Pregnancy kinna freaks me out since for me it is a potentially life threatening situation.  I really avoid thinking about it, and the closer we get to the section tomorrow, the more frightened I become.  My PTSD has really been acting up and I know it will come to a head tomorrow in the OR.

Due to where I live and finances my options are extremely limited.  I'm actually a bit jealous of some of the mom's in my special scars group  who have VBAC supportive hospitals, and a VBAC supportive OB/midwife.  I actually found the most VBAC supportive OB in the area but the hospital he delivers at has a strict anti-VBAC policy.  I searched the area for a midwife but couldn't find one, even though I doubt we would have been able to afford one anyway.   The closer we have gotten to the section date the more I understand why some women choose unassisted home births, but I feel that is far to risky in my situation.  

One of the things that many of the Special Scars women face is a OB who says they are VBAC friendly and then switch at the last minute.  I seem to have accidentally done the opposite with my OB.  He asked me what the goal was and I told him that I wanted to go into labor on my own.  Which is the least of what I wanted to do.  I also wanted a trial-of-labor and optimum being a VBAC.  Due to my history I know that induction is far to risky so I would have to go into labor on my own within the next 20 hours to do that, which feels very unlikely.  I know many just say, don't show up tomorrow (including DH) but the problem with that is that my OB is going out of town and if I did go into labor I would be forced to use one of his partners... And that didn't go so well last time.... 

I really think OBs should do a round of pediatrics during their med school training, there is one thing that pediatrics do better than any other division of the medical field.. Psychology in medicine.   Pediatrics remembers that how a patient feels, effects how they heal and must be taken into account.  I think OBs are frequently the worst.  A mom is seen strictly as a problem to be solved: get the kid out. So many women are ending up like myself with traumatic births because of it.   Getting the kid out isn't the end of the equation.   

I actually pointed this out to my OB the other day.  After I am delivered, I will have to go home and care for 3 small children all alone.  Sure I have a supportive husband who will help when he is home, but he doesn't (nor could we afford) paternity leave.  My 4 year old (Lil'C) will still need to go to therapy, or risk loosing it.  He frequently needs to be carried, and picked up since he falls a lot.  My 2 year old (Lil'K) will still want to play and "flop" on my belly.  She also frequently fights getting in her car seat, to the point that it takes holding her down with all my weight to get her in it.  Plus I will have all of the newborn duties and normal house keeping duties to keep up with.  A VBAC would mean that this wouldn't change much, but a RCS means that I can't drive or lift anything heavier than a milk jug for at least two weeks or risk opening my incision and bleeding or worse.   OBs frequently forget to take such things into account, and hospital lawyers never do. 

One extra bit of "fun" is that Baby K's placenta is directly on top of  Lil'C's scar.  This means that it could have grown into the scar putting me at an increased risk of hemorrhage and possible historectomy... Yeah that is what every 31year old wants.. A historectomy...

I have done research on this and I truly feel that a VBAC would actually be safer, if Baby K were placed imedeately on my chest and allowed to nurse with delayed cord clamping.  If the placenta were allowed to release on its own since nursing would help close the blood vessels and lower the risk of hemorrhage.  

But because of some hospital policy I am forced to have major abdominal surgery which puts me at risk for not only hemorrhage and historectomy, but blood clots (seizure/stroke), paralysis (epidural), and death..  And a section has been shown to increase the risk of asthma, allergies and immunie issues as well as actually change a babies DNA in the process.. 

I know the VBAC would also have the risk of rupture at somewhere between 4 and 7% (some Drs clame as high as 10, but research (http://www.specialscars.org/index.php/studies/) does not support it.  IF I ruptured Baby K and I could possibly both die, but that is a small percentage of that. 

I really wish OBs and hospitals would consider more than getting the kid out when thinking of these unethical policies.  I think these policies are why more and more women are choosing unassisted home births.  

I think if politicians would push to have more midwives (registered) to be allowed/encouraged to do hospital births (especially in cases like mine) then our maternal death rate (the highest in the developed world!) would drop and so would unassisted home births.  Instead midwives in some states are prosecuted for attending women like myself... Which leads to mom's feeling like unassisted home birth is the only option..  It really needs to change. 

Hopefully all will go well tomorrow.. But prayers/happy thoughts would be appreciated :)