Scheduled Eviction

By time this posts I will be going to have major surgery.  Those of you who follow me on Instagram know that I am 9 months pregnant with our third child Baby K.   I haven't posted much for two reasons: 1. We didn't know we were expecting until the second trimester, 2. Pregnancy kinna freaks me out since for me it is a potentially life threatening situation.  I really avoid thinking about it, and the closer we get to the section tomorrow, the more frightened I become.  My PTSD has really been acting up and I know it will come to a head tomorrow in the OR.

Due to where I live and finances my options are extremely limited.  I'm actually a bit jealous of some of the mom's in my special scars group  who have VBAC supportive hospitals, and a VBAC supportive OB/midwife.  I actually found the most VBAC supportive OB in the area but the hospital he delivers at has a strict anti-VBAC policy.  I searched the area for a midwife but couldn't find one, even though I doubt we would have been able to afford one anyway.   The closer we have gotten to the section date the more I understand why some women choose unassisted home births, but I feel that is far to risky in my situation.  
One of the things that many of the Special Scars women face is a OB who says they are VBAC friendly and then switch at the last minute.  I seem to have accidentally done the opposite with my OB.  He asked me what the goal was and I told him that I wanted to go into labor on my own.  Which is the least of what I wanted to do.  I also wanted a trial-of-labor and optimum being a VBAC.  Due to my history I know that induction is far to risky so I would have to go into labor on my own within the next 20 hours to do that, which feels very unlikely.  I know many just say, don't show up tomorrow (including DH) but the problem with that is that my OB is going out of town and if I did go into labor I would be forced to use one of his partners... And that didn't go so well last time.... 
I really think OBs should do a round of pediatrics during their med school training, there is one thing that pediatrics do better than any other division of the medical field.. Psychology in medicine.   Pediatrics remembers that how a patient feels, effects how they heal and must be taken into account.  I think OBs are frequently the worst.  A mom is seen strictly as a problem to be solved: get the kid out. So many women are ending up like myself with traumatic births because of it.   Getting the kid out isn't the end of the equation.   
I actually pointed this out to my OB the other day.  After I am delivered, I will have to go home and care for 3 small children all alone.  Sure I have a supportive husband who will help when he is home, but he doesn't (nor could we afford) paternity leave.  My 4 year old (Lil'C) will still need to go to therapy, or risk loosing it.  He frequently needs to be carried, and picked up since he falls a lot.  My 2 year old (Lil'K) will still want to play and "flop" on my belly.  She also frequently fights getting in her car seat, to the point that it takes holding her down with all my weight to get her in it.  Plus I will have all of the newborn duties and normal house keeping duties to keep up with.  A VBAC would mean that this wouldn't change much, but a RCS means that I can't drive or lift anything heavier than a milk jug for at least two weeks or risk opening my incision and bleeding or worse.   OBs frequently forget to take such things into account, and hospital lawyers never do. 
One extra bit of "fun" is that Baby K's placenta is directly on top of  Lil'C's scar.  This means that it could have grown into the scar putting me at an increased risk of hemorrhage and possible historectomy... Yeah that is what every 31year old wants.. A historectomy...
I have done research on this and I truly feel that a VBAC would actually be safer, if Baby K were placed imedeately on my chest and allowed to nurse with delayed cord clamping.  If the placenta were allowed to release on its own since nursing would help close the blood vessels and lower the risk of hemorrhage.  
But because of some hospital policy I am forced to have major abdominal surgery which puts me at risk for not only hemorrhage and historectomy, but blood clots (seizure/stroke), paralysis (epidural), and death..  And a section has been shown to increase the risk of asthma, allergies and immunie issues as well as actually change a babies DNA in the process.. 
I know the VBAC would also have the risk of rupture at somewhere between 4 and 7% (some Drs clame as high as 10, but research ( does not support it.  IF I ruptured Baby K and I could possibly both die, but that is a small percentage of that. 
I really wish OBs and hospitals would consider more than getting the kid out when thinking of these unethical policies.  I think these policies are why more and more women are choosing unassisted home births.  
I think if politicians would push to have more midwives (registered) to be allowed/encouraged to do hospital births (especially in cases like mine) then our maternal death rate (the highest in the developed world!) would drop and so would unassisted home births.  Instead midwives in some states are prosecuted for attending women like myself... Which leads to mom's feeling like unassisted home birth is the only option..  It really needs to change. 
Hopefully all will go well tomorrow.. But prayers/happy thoughts would be appreciated :) 

Easter Clothes!

Here is our Easter outfits from this year!

My sister picked up 5.5 yards of fabric in one of her adventures. 
It has a small floral print.  

For Hubby:
 I made a skinny tie using this tutorial:
I had to add about 3" overall to the pattern since my husband prefers long ties.  When I make the pattern again I will also make it wider.  
He wore his charcoal grey suit, a white shirt and silver cufflinks from my little brother's wedding

For Lil'C:
I made a bow tie using this tutorial:
I threaded and stitched elastic through the back and added a snap on the ends of the elastic.  I always worry about things around his neck getting caught especially since he still falls a lot.  
It was a good easy pattern, but Lil'C is fairly small so when I use the pattern again, I will make it slightly smaller. I will probably shrink it by about 25%. 
Lil'K also likes the tie and has frequently worn it as a head-band/bow :)
Lil'C also wore his charcoal dress pants, white shirt and light grey suspenders from my little brother's wedding. 

For Lil'K: 
For Lil'K's dress I used this tutorial and pattern:
I really liked it and will be making her some more.  There were a few confusing parts on the tutorial about which pieces should be cut for the bonace so read over it carefully and make sure it works right.  I also wish I had stitched the straps to the lining before putting it together so that I could have used a 1" overlay to make it more secure.  I have had to re-stitch the straps twice because Lil'K plays hard and has managed to pull them out of the seam.  
I also added a gross-grain ribbon to the bottom of the bonace allowing about a foot to hang free at the sides so I can tie it in a bow on the back.  I think it really finished it off, making it a good church dress instead of a sun dress.  
The bow came  from my MIL shortly after Lil'K was born.  It really pulled the pink flowers out of the fabric.  

For Me:
I used this tutorial and pattern as a starting point:
I absolutely love this pattern!  I'm planning on making quite a few tops from it soon.  I already have the fabric for it, I just had to wait until I no longer had a baby bump to do it :)  Due to the elasticized neck line it works GREAT as a nursing top without looking like one.  
The tutorial is written as a top but all I Did to make it a dress was to add some length and with.  I measured from below my bust until the widest part of me (which was belly at the time, but normally would be hip).  Measure around widest part and divide by 4 and then add 1-2" for ease.  I added about 3" to make room for belly growth.  Then curve slightly down and to your desired length.   Make sure the curve is smooth or you will end up with box hips! 
The lining in the tutorial I cut off at knee length and simply surged the bottom of it. 
I then took the ruffle piece from Lil'K's dress and cut out 4 pieces.  I put that on my dress the same way I did Lil'K's to create a little echo between our dresses and a nice finished hem. 
I also added the same ribbon from Lil'K's dress at the side seam of my dress right at the under-bust elastic.  Hubby suggested it since before the back was really plain and it needed to be broken up visually.  I think it really finishes it off and gives the appearance that the ribbon runs through the under-bust casing.
When I make this pattern again I'm going to bring the neckline up an inch because it feels to low where I have it.  Having it that close to the under-bust elastic also makes my chest look smaller... Which for me isn't a good thing. 
I suggest using this tutorial to figure out where you want your neckline:
It is certainly what I should have done! 
I will also take the outer shoulders and bring them down about 1/4-1"  because they have the tendency to slide off and have to be pinned to my bra to keep them in place.  

For Baby K:
Due to how much fabric my sistergor me, I still have some left over!  I'm going to use some of the left over fabric and the following tutorial to make a matching dress for Baby K now that she has arrived! :
I may also make her a pink bow to match Lil'K.