Eviction Number Three

I know it has been over 6 months since my last post.. It has taken me this long to hopefully be able to complete this post.

Attempting to hold it together for photos

On July 14 I went in for a very much unwanted scheduled C-section.  My OB was going out of town and there was no other OB in the area that I even slightly trusted to even touch me, much less deliver my baby.   I was angry and dreading the surgery, seriously not how you should feel when looking to meeting your child.
My sister was my "doula" and my husband was also there.  When we got there we realized we had not taken any "bump" pictures, so we took some quickly.
 We went in and found out they had given away my room because they expected us to arrive at 8am, while my Dr had told us to arrive at anytime..  I immediately wanted to leave.  The nurse seemed a bit angry that we were "late",  my sister stepped out of the room where she went to the nurses station and politely (from what I was told) and explained that we were a hospital family and I really did not want to be having the section, but was not given a choice in the matter.
We  waited in the prep room, next to a woman in actual labor with the nurse and my sister telling jokes to keep my mind off of it.   We kept being told "a few more minutes"  "uh oh.. someone got pushed ahead"  so I didn't actually go back until 3.  That gave us enough time for them to eat and my sister to braid my hair since I knew it would be a little while until I would be able to shower.
We went over my birth plan (I used this one as a starting point and adjusted it for us) and they assured us that they would attempt to accommodate our wishes.  I swear they thought I was the crazy natural mama up for the section, but after my sister's talk with the nurses they were all really kind to us, almost pitying.
When I finally went back I was scared and worried the entire time.  I really hate getting epidurals... the cold room, the pain, the worry that if they slip up I could be paralyzed, spinal headaches... etc.   Then I was staring at the same ceiling tiles as I was at Lil'K's delivery and thinking that if that Dr hadn't been an idiot then I wouldn't be forced to do this section..

Skin-to-Skin in the OR

 My hubby came in and was allowed to look over the curtain and my sister stood at the door, both got to watch my uterus pulled out, while I looked at the bugs inside the florescent lights.   There was the usual pushing and tugging and to do a "delayed" cord clamping they laid her on my legs and did whatever else it is for as long as they could until the placenta began to separate.  Then they cut the cord, and brought her to me so we could skin to skin.  Unfortunately, due to the epidural I had weakness in my arms and had trouble moving them.  My husband was not by my side at this moment and I have no idea why.  The neonatologist had to help me adjust her because her face was in my neck.
 She was cleaned up and hubby got to trim the cord, which was actually a first for us.  He stayed with her until she was reunited with me in the room.  I of course was numb and unable to move my legs for many hours.  I remember them doing the final clean up and after they removed the curtian being shocked that my legs weren't straight like I thought they were.  When I was back in the room my hubby was able to stay with me,  and my parents brought Lil'C and Lil'K to meet their new baby sister, Baby K.   They both wanted to climb on my lap and cuddle but we of course had to be careful since I couldn't move or feel if they were hurting me.

Lil'K and Baby K

 

 Lil'C and Baby K

Baby wearing less than 24hours after Section.

After the epidural wore off enough I was able to get around a bit, very very slowly.  Baby K did end up having some trouble with holding her temperature and there was talk of putting her in a warmer.  First I grabbed my sling and stuck her on me, where she stayed the rest of the time there.. even at night.  That is something I would only do in a hospital setting since the nurses come in frequently and I am an experienced co-sleeper.  Still worried me but her temperature stayed 1/2 a degree from mine for the rest of our stay.
 The biggest worry I had was going home, and being home most of the day by myself with 3 little ones while healing from the surgery.  Due to Lil'K's affinity for flopping, that did become a worry.  She landed on me once so hard that I screamed and my sister had to pull her off.  I was in tears it hurt so bad.. and I was on pain meds at the time.  

At 5Lb 15oz She was my largest baby. 

She has gotten much bigger in 6 months

I do wonder if I could have done it differently, my scar was thinning but that isn't a huge deal.  If only I had been allowed to attempt a VBAC with Lil'K then maybe I would have been able to do the same with Baby K.  The crazy part is that the risk levels of a VBAC at Lil'K is less of a risk than a 3rd section and they knew I wanted a third child.  It just feels unethical to me and a bit crazy.
My post-pain is worse now as well.  My scar is in almost constant pain along with my upper right thigh,  there is also some numbing at the upper part of it (the pain goes around the edges of the numbing).   It just all feels so unnecessary and a bit unfair to my girls and myself.  So now I have had one necessary and life saving c-section, and two unnecessary ones.
Baby K is growing and is a very happy little person,  for that I am blessed.

Scheduled Eviction

By time this posts I will be going to have major surgery.  Those of you who follow me on Instagram know that I am 9 months pregnant with our third child Baby K.   I haven't posted much for two reasons: 1. We didn't know we were expecting until the second trimester, 2. Pregnancy kinna freaks me out since for me it is a potentially life threatening situation.  I really avoid thinking about it, and the closer we get to the section tomorrow, the more frightened I become.  My PTSD has really been acting up and I know it will come to a head tomorrow in the OR.

Due to where I live and finances my options are extremely limited.  I'm actually a bit jealous of some of the mom's in my special scars group  who have VBAC supportive hospitals, and a VBAC supportive OB/midwife.  I actually found the most VBAC supportive OB in the area but the hospital he delivers at has a strict anti-VBAC policy.  I searched the area for a midwife but couldn't find one, even though I doubt we would have been able to afford one anyway.   The closer we have gotten to the section date the more I understand why some women choose unassisted home births, but I feel that is far to risky in my situation.  

One of the things that many of the Special Scars women face is a OB who says they are VBAC friendly and then switch at the last minute.  I seem to have accidentally done the opposite with my OB.  He asked me what the goal was and I told him that I wanted to go into labor on my own.  Which is the least of what I wanted to do.  I also wanted a trial-of-labor and optimum being a VBAC.  Due to my history I know that induction is far to risky so I would have to go into labor on my own within the next 20 hours to do that, which feels very unlikely.  I know many just say, don't show up tomorrow (including DH) but the problem with that is that my OB is going out of town and if I did go into labor I would be forced to use one of his partners... And that didn't go so well last time.... 

I really think OBs should do a round of pediatrics during their med school training, there is one thing that pediatrics do better than any other division of the medical field.. Psychology in medicine.   Pediatrics remembers that how a patient feels, effects how they heal and must be taken into account.  I think OBs are frequently the worst.  A mom is seen strictly as a problem to be solved: get the kid out. So many women are ending up like myself with traumatic births because of it.   Getting the kid out isn't the end of the equation.   

I actually pointed this out to my OB the other day.  After I am delivered, I will have to go home and care for 3 small children all alone.  Sure I have a supportive husband who will help when he is home, but he doesn't (nor could we afford) paternity leave.  My 4 year old (Lil'C) will still need to go to therapy, or risk loosing it.  He frequently needs to be carried, and picked up since he falls a lot.  My 2 year old (Lil'K) will still want to play and "flop" on my belly.  She also frequently fights getting in her car seat, to the point that it takes holding her down with all my weight to get her in it.  Plus I will have all of the newborn duties and normal house keeping duties to keep up with.  A VBAC would mean that this wouldn't change much, but a RCS means that I can't drive or lift anything heavier than a milk jug for at least two weeks or risk opening my incision and bleeding or worse.   OBs frequently forget to take such things into account, and hospital lawyers never do. 

One extra bit of "fun" is that Baby K's placenta is directly on top of  Lil'C's scar.  This means that it could have grown into the scar putting me at an increased risk of hemorrhage and possible historectomy... Yeah that is what every 31year old wants.. A historectomy...

I have done research on this and I truly feel that a VBAC would actually be safer, if Baby K were placed imedeately on my chest and allowed to nurse with delayed cord clamping.  If the placenta were allowed to release on its own since nursing would help close the blood vessels and lower the risk of hemorrhage.  

But because of some hospital policy I am forced to have major abdominal surgery which puts me at risk for not only hemorrhage and historectomy, but blood clots (seizure/stroke), paralysis (epidural), and death..  And a section has been shown to increase the risk of asthma, allergies and immunie issues as well as actually change a babies DNA in the process.. 

I know the VBAC would also have the risk of rupture at somewhere between 4 and 7% (some Drs clame as high as 10, but research (http://www.specialscars.org/index.php/studies/) does not support it.  IF I ruptured Baby K and I could possibly both die, but that is a small percentage of that. 

I really wish OBs and hospitals would consider more than getting the kid out when thinking of these unethical policies.  I think these policies are why more and more women are choosing unassisted home births.  

I think if politicians would push to have more midwives (registered) to be allowed/encouraged to do hospital births (especially in cases like mine) then our maternal death rate (the highest in the developed world!) would drop and so would unassisted home births.  Instead midwives in some states are prosecuted for attending women like myself... Which leads to mom's feeling like unassisted home birth is the only option..  It really needs to change. 

Hopefully all will go well tomorrow.. But prayers/happy thoughts would be appreciated :)